I heard we made out
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
