So drunk its hurt
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
