you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
