So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
