I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
