can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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