I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
