Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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