they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
