the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
