Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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