Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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