apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize