in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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