I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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