It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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