My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
