bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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