Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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