wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
