NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
