How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
