you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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