return my video game
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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