Christians are straight up FREAKS
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
