these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
