You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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