my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you will always have a special place in my vag
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
