You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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