So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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