Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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