Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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