Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My life is pants optional.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
