I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
