Will you blow on my dice?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
