so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
