Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
