But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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