Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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