just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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