Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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