All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
