i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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