just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
