This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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