Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
