She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize