My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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