The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
