I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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