so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
