If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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