whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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