dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He passed out mid-signature
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
