Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize