Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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