is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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