Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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