Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
