You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
