We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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