Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
