where am i from again
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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