he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize