whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
