Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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