I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
